Ways To Annoy
by shockblast
Summary: each chapter will be about annoying different characters and also random chapters
1. Harry Potter

**These i found places, but i thought they were funny so hope you enjoy :D  
WAYS TO ANNOY HARRY POTTER**

- Ask him to tell Cedric you said hello.

- Follow him around and say "Voldemort is your uncle!" in a loud voice right next to his ear.

- Ask him if the "anvil-sized hints" ever hit him on the head, which is really what caused the scar.

- "So... first you were the _Boy Who Lived_.. then you were a nutcase... now you're _The Chosen One_. Why don't they just add it together so that you're the "Chosen Nutcase Who Lived?"

- Offer him stolen silver from Sirius Black's house.

- Make sure you tell him you got it from Mundungus Fletcher.

- Tell him that he should stop pretending to be Harry Potter and to wipe the fake scar off his head.

- Follow him around wearing shirts that say, "I'M WITH THE CHOSEN ONE!"

- Buy him one that says, "THEY'RE WITH THE CHOSEN ONE!" and get really offended when he doesn't wear it. Be sure to tell him you made it yourself.

- Ask if he knows whether Voldemort had any scars and if so, where are they?

- Everytime you see him, say "Do you like Luna Lovegood?" in a sing-song voice.

- Ask him if thestrals have pretty eyes.

- Re-enact his triumph over the dragon in the first task. Then ask if you can do it again on his Firebolt.

- If he asks you a question, sing the answer in at least three different styles of music and then ask if he likes to sing.

- Buy him concealer and tell him to put it over his scar so Voldemort won't recognize him.

- Tell him Moaning Myrtle has fallen in love with him and make sure he goes to ask her about it.

- Whenever it rains, use his back as a piano and start singing, "Remember When it Rained" in a loud and terrible way.

- If he does or says something unusual, say, "Don't worry. We'll call St. Mungo's and get you the help that you so desperately need."

- Ask if Muggles can see his scar.

- Run up to him giggling and say, "Romilda Vane says you have a tattoo on your chest. Can I see it?"

- Tell him that if he dies defeating the Dark Lord, you want his broomstick.


	2. Voldermort

**WAYS TO ANNOY VOLDERMORT**

1. Ask him why he 'doesn't have such a cool scar?'

2. Laugh at him.

3. Wake him up by singing Beach Boys songs in his ear. 'Round, round, get around, I get around...'

4. Knit him things. Really hideous things.

5. Give him kangaroo-ears for a month.

6. Smile during Death-Eater meetings and say you taught him everything he knows.

7. Chew bubblegum all the time. Should he address you, your only response will be a series of huge bubbles in quick succession, the last of which will burst everywhere and make a mess.

8. Dance the Funky Chicken.

9. Ask him when was the last time he took a bath.

10. Pat him on the head and give him flowers when his plans are foiled yet again.

11. If you ever need to say 'Like taking candy from a baby', be sure to add 'Of course, SOME of us might find that harder than others.' Stare pointedly at him.

12. Play 'knock-&-run' at his bedchamber door late at night.

13. Call him 'The-man-who-let-the-boy-live'

14. Ask why the Dark Mark couldn't look like something 'more socially acceptable?'

15. Insist that you have met chunks of cheese with more cunning plans than his.

16. Pinch him. Make sure he squeals.

17. Be cheerful.

18. When he tries to impress you with his powers say 'Awwwww, look. Voldie's got a twiggle!'

19. Try to teach him to play a mouth organ.

20. Roll your eyes during plotting sessions and say things under your breath like 'You're the boss, boss' or 'It's your funeral.'

21. Greet him in the mornings with a sarcastic 'My sir, you look particularly menacing today.'

22. Taunt him about his middle name. 'Marvolo? What's that, a washing detergent?'

23. Keep a 'good-behaviour chart'. Award points and give out gold stars.

24. Magic-marker Potter-style glasses on him while he sleeps.

25. Apparate into and out of his room rapidly. Do this non-stop for an hour. poof there poof gone poof there...

26. Play cards with him. Tell him he has no poker-face and how does he expect to rule supreme without one?

27. Let off party-poppers in his face whenever the urge strikes you.

28. 'Did you even HAVE a girlfriend? Like, ever?'

29. Get a pair of finger puppets closely resembling himself and Harry Potter. Re-enact all of Harry's victories over him in a spectacularly childish way. Be sure to give them both squeaky voices.

30. Anytime he enters any room, insist on entering first and announcing him grandly.

31. In these announcements, fake a trumpet noise and give him an equally fake drumroll.

32. Exclaim sarcastically 'You're breakin' my little heart here, o dark one' whenever he starts to talk of what has caused to become who he is.

33. Encourage him to 'think happy thoughts!'

34. Ask him to give you written summaries of his sinister plots for revenge and war. Correct his spelling.

35. Mock his choice of Quirrel as a 'host'.

36. Tell you think a yoga class could 'cure him of his wicked ways'

37. Get the song 'Mr. Tambourine Man' stuck in his head.

38. If he's having evil-plotter's-block in one of his scheming sessions 'Wingardium Leviosa' a light bulb to float above his head. Turn it on. Look offended when he gets angry and say you 'thought you were helping!'

39. Tell him constantly to stop repressing his anger.

40. Buy him a stress ball.

41. Hint that he is only a character in a book and will never triumph.

42. Call him Tommy-boy.

43. If you're feeling gutsy, call him Voldie-poo.

44. Whack him in the arm and say 'mosquito' - every few minutes.

45. Say he 'looked better under the turban'

46. Eat his pet snake. Offer him some.

47. Endeavour to teach him to steeple his fingers, lean back and say 'Eeeexcellent'.

48. Start drawing outlandish parallels between his life story and 'Star Wars'. Talk at great length.

49. Be generally in awe of him and never look away.

50. 'Imperius' his Death Eaters into a rousing chorus of 'All Things Bright And Beautiful'

51. Shower him with confetti and rice, anytime you think he needs to make a 'grand entry'.

52. Paint all the Death-Eater masks with bright colours and glitter.

53. Throw him a 'care-bears' themed birthday party.

54. Tell him what Snape's really up to.

55. Politely exclaim now and again that you 'don't know how he can be so afraid of dear old Dumbles'

56. Sing 'California Dreamin' at the top of your lungs when he's trying to have an 'evil moment'

57. Should you ever be eating with him - drum tunes with your cutlery, play with your food and blow bubbles in your chocolate milk.

58. Ask him to dance a polka with you.

59. Work cutesy phrases like 'pushing-up-daisies' and 'smooth-as-a-baby's-bottom' into conversation as much as possible.

60. Ask him if he's sure 'the whole evil-maniac-out-for-power-and-revenge thing isn't getting a bit old?'

61. Get him to play 'Twister' with you.

62. Tell him you know this great therapist in London...

63. Throw tupperware parties. Insist he sit through them.

64. Tell him you've met plenty of people more evil than he.

65. Hide his teddy bear. That ALWAYS makes him cry.

66. Get him a plant. Act mortally offended when he doesn't water it and it dies.

67. Steal, snap and bury his wand.

68. Tell him Lucius did it.

69. Give Rita Skeeter full knowledge of his whereabouts and contact details.

70. Remind him that he isn't even really alive.

71. Write him a theme song. Start singing it whenever he is about to do or say something particularly clever and nasty.

72. Offer to sacrifice Draco Malfoy 'to the cause'

73. Insist on reading him bedtime stories. Include 'The Ugly Duckling'

74. Make vague allusions to Harry Potter being his son.

75. When he's done something particularly nasty - cross your arms, waggle a finger and say 'Now now, do you really think Salazar would have approved of that?'

76. Ask him how he can possibly wish to harm a single hair on the head of 'that sweet, innocent, cute little boy.'

77. Tell him Wormtail has a crush on him.

78. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophecy."

79. Leave disgusting and rotting dead things near him. Insist that it is 'Aromatherapy'

80. Begin any question you ask him with 'Riddle me this!' Emphasis on Riddle.

81. Do not EVER act in the slightest way intimidated by him. Treat him as you would an eccentric acquaintance.

82. Cuddle him at random moments.

83. Sign him up for Little-League.

84. Ask him why he's afraid of a frail old man with a beard the size of a beehive and can't fight babies.

85. Throw biscuits at him. Constantly.

86. Tell him you think evil master plans of world domination are 'kind of girlie'

87. Quote Argus Filch. Insist HE will one day rule the wizarding world.

88. Wonder aloud whether the name Voldemort commands as much respect as, say, Potter or Dumbledore.

89. Mimic everything he says in a sing-song voice.

90. Mimic everything he does with exaggerated limb-movements.

91. Write sonnets for him.

92. Insist he help you with the newspaper crossword every morning.

93. Follow a few paces behind him, spraying everything he touches with a can of disinfectant.

94. Tell people he's 'really just a big softie'

95. Psychoanalyze him. Conclude that he is 'mildly depressed' and 'a bit of a control-freak'.

96. Mock his baldness.

97. Smile and say loudly 'Who loves you, Volders?' at inopportune moments. (Ie: another of his attempted 'evil moments')

98. Get him drunk.

99. Drag out a banjo at Death Eater revels and start playing 'Kumbayah'

100. Let him catch you trying on Death-Eater robes.

101. Be Harry Potter. Be alive.


	3. Ronald Weasley

**WAYS TO ANNOY RONALD WEASLEY**

1. Tell him Hermione has a boyfriend.

2. Repeatedly ask him whatever happened to "Lav-Lav"?

3. Tell him Krum is coming back.

4. Stare pointedly at his forehead, looking bewildered.

5. …and when he asks what you're looking at, say in a disappointed voice, "I just thought you'd have a scar too, being Harry Potter's (sigh adoringly then look superior) sidekick and all."

6. Tell him that Krum is having a welcome back party and everyone is invited.

7. ..except him, that is.

8. The next time someone says "Ron", state loudly, "Isn't that the name of Harry Potter's useless sidekick? Or maybe it's Ronan. I can never remember."

9. Run up to Harry Potter and scream "Ohmigod it's Harry Potter!" then beg for his autograph, and when he's giving it to you say to Ron "Hi…you must be…um…Harry's, er, associate!"

10. Tell him the Chudley Cannons have asked Harry to join their team as soon as he leaves school.

11. Take noisy pictures of him when he's playing Quidditch and announce to the rest of the team that they're for a very flattering article in the Daily Prophet.

12. ..conveniently forget to tell them the pictures are for an article entitled "It's True, You Really Can Train Trolls to Fly."

13. Put a miniature Whomping Willow in his bookbag.

14. Get everyone to wear Hermione's knitted elf clothing.

15. …When he asks for some say "Really Ronald, you don't think these things are fashionable, do you? We're only wearing them to raise funds!"

16. Associate everything he says with all of the brave things his friends have done.

17. ..never mention anything he's done when doing so.

18. Ask him why he wasn't in the Department of Mysteries helping Harry fight the Death Eaters.

19. When he insists that he was, roll your eyes and say in an exasperated voice, "Well you didn't exactly do anything important did you?"

20. Send him a Valentine's Day card from Luna Lovegood.

21. Give him another pair of old, horrific dress robes and insist that he wears them.

22. If he refuses, act mortally offended for days.

23. When he finally does wear them, drag him into a public place and make it a point to draw attention to him.

24. ..make sure someone with a camera is nearby.

25. Call him Roonil Wazlib.

26. Ask him why he stole Harry Potter's nickname.

27. Speak in a fake foreign accent that's uncannily similar to Krum's..

28. Insist that West Ham is the best Quidditch team ever.

29. In the middle of the night pretend to wake up after a dream, clutching your forehead and screaming "Ron! Ron, your whole entire family has been eaten by a snake!"

30. When he looks horrified, cheerfully exclaim; "Oh no, my mistake. Goodnight!"

31. Continue to have fake dreams of this incident every night for the next week.

32. Kindly present him with a book entitled "Personal Hygiene: Back to the Basics" and smile when he looks mortified.

33. State loudly two minutes before a Quidditch match that Harry can't make it because he's practicing for his next interview.

34. Ask Ginny to replace him.

35. Then say in an audible whisper "It's not like anyone else is any good. Especially Ronan…no, Rupert… (sigh) Harry Potter's sidekick…you know…(gasp of realization) Roonil Wazlib!"

36. Comment on how well that one half of his eyebrow has grown in..

37. Tell him that the tattoo of the Hungarian Horntail on Harry's chest is real because Ginny's told you she's seen it.

38. Constantly throw small, sharp objects at his head.

39. …And when he gets annoyed look innocent and say "I was only trying to give you a scar!"

40. Tell him about three times a day that "Parvati told Dean to tell Seamus to tell Neville to tell Fred to tell George to tell Angelina to tell Alicia that Fleur knows that Krum said that Ernie said…

41. …To tell Hannah to tell Justin to tell Zacharias to let Susan know to inform Terry to pass on the message to Katie so she could alert Leanne to confirm what Cho said to Marietta who told Padma to tell Hermione to tell me to tell you that…erm…I can't really remember…but I think it was something like…um…er…well someone in your family's been killed or something like that. I'm not sure. I'll get back to you on that one, ok?"

42. Ask if you can borrow Pigwidgeon and when he says yes, produce two overly large packages.

43. Send him a Howler that will screech the Slytherin version of "Weasley Is Our King."

44. Sneak up behind him, cover his eyes, and say "Guess who Won-Won?" in an annoying sing-song voice.

45. Ask him why he isn't wearing the necklace Lav-Lav gave him.

46. Whenever he's late for class stand in his way saying "Ron, you can't go through here because someone set off a load of Garrotting Gas…no Ronald you really can't…stop Ronald, just stop" etc. etc.

47. Offer him a plate of rock cakes and when he refuses to eat one burst into hysterical tears screaming things like "Betrayal of trust" and "Supposed to be my friend".

48. Put Harry's name into the Goblet Of Fire…or Firewhisky, whichever is available.

49. Run up to him screaming "Ron, you've won the lottery!" When he asks how much say "I'm not sure, about two or three Knuts I think."

50. Tell him he's won a 'Services To The School Award' and an Order Of Merlin 1st Class and when he asks what for say, "For nearly getting strangled to death by brains in the Department Of Mysteries in your 5th year."

51. Tell him that, for the same reason, he's also won Witch Weekly's 472nd Most Charming Scar Award.

52. Remind him that the other 471 awards went to Harry.

53. Continuously point out mistakes in his Transfiguration work even if it's perfect (which it probably isn't) and when you fail the class announce loudly that Ron taught you everything you know.


	4. Severus Snape

**WAYS TO ANNOY SEVERUS SNAPE**

1. Make him take a shower.

2. Make him use shampoo in aforementioned shower.

3. Make him use _clarifying_ shampoo.

4. Apparate next to him, hand him a tube of super-strong facial cleanser, then quickly Disparate before he realizes what happened.

5. Enchant this cleanser to follow him around until he uses it.

6. ...enchant the cleanser to follow him around anyway.

7. Tell him you stole his teddy bear.

8. Tell him you won't give it back until he agrees to wash his hair.

9. When he washes his hair, tell him you were just kidding and said teddy bear has already been destroyed.

10. Sneak up on him while he's asleep and give him a mohawk.

11. Sneak up on him while he's asleep and write "Crazy!" all over his face in permanent ink.

12. Sneak up on him when he's asleep and wash his hair.

13. Send him repeated invitations to a makeover party - which emphasis on facials, shampooing, and hair-braiding. ("But you'll look so pretty!!")

14. Force him to get a Michael Jackson-type nose surgery.

15. Call him Michael by accident.

16. Make parallels between him and Michael Jackson. "You both have deformed noses, you both have pale skin, you both have greasy black hair, he's the _King_ of Pop, you're the Half-Blood _Prince_, you both molest chil..Oops!"

17. Prank call him and say, "Where's the emergency?! I hear there was a man at this number who needed an extreme nose job ASAP!" over and over again.

18. Resurrect James using a seance and make him haunt Snape for eternity.

19. Hypnotize the Death Eaters to make fun of him and constantly try to de-pant him.

20. Tap him on his left shoulder and jump to the right.

21. Nudge him and say, "So...how's the double-agent business going?" nudgenudgewinkwink

22. Tape a sign that says "CURSE ME!" on his back.

23. Call him Snivellus.

24. Tell you consulted a psychic and he's not a Prince afterall...and he never will be.

25. Convince him that going around in the nude is the new "in" style. Wait, are we torturing _him_ or _us_?!

26. Give him to Grawp. evil laugh

27. Obliviate his memory and force him to spend the rest of his days as a Muggle. Or better yet, try it within the Obliviating part!

28. Dye his skin pink.

29. Force him to become the head Gryffindor cheerleader.

30. Tell him that you've killed Draco (as tempting as it may be, do not really kill him!).

31. Laugh evilly and tell him that he's broken the Unbreakable Vow since he didn't save Draco, and will therefore die at any moment.

32. Laugh at him as he runs in circles panicking about his impending "doom."

33. Or just kill Draco and force Snape to watch him die. dodges fangirls

34. Give him the nickname Half-Blood Princess.

35. Find anything he's ever written "I am the Half-Blood Prince" on, and change it to say "Princess."

36. Blackmail him. "If you do anything bad to me, I'll show everyone the picture of you before your nose job went horribly wrong!"

37. Comment on how smudgy his papers are because they have grease marks from his nose on them.

38. Tell him Voldemort doesn't love him anymore.

39. Tell him a story with many parallels to his own life, and disguise it badly.

40. End with his imminent doom and the moral: "Greasy-haired traitors who murder old men for any reason and run away, will always get caught and murdered in the most painful way wizardly possible."

41. When he confronts you about it, pretend you have no idea what he's talking about.

42. Tie him to a chair and force him to watch the Potter Puppet Pals.

43. Buy him a shirt with his Pupper Pal look-a-like and say "Bother!" as loudly as you can whenever you're in his presence.

44. And if none of these _bother_ Snape enough, you could always hack away at his head with a blunt axe - giving him a slow, painful death and an embarrassing, not-quite-Headless-Hunt-material afterlife.


End file.
